> ## Content Index
> Fetch the complete content index at: https://toodlepip.co.uk/llms.txt
> Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further.

# 10 Bizarre Amazon Products (Insert Tongue in Cheek, Then Review)
- URL: https://toodlepip.co.uk/blog-2009-10-10-bizarre-amazon-products-insert-tongue-cheek-then-review/
- Published: 2009-10-04T17:32:35.000Z
- Updated: 2009-10-04T17:32:35.000Z
- Author: Sam Michel
- Tags: Cantankerism, amazon, funny, reviews, #wp, #wp-post, #Import 2026-10-23 15:06

I blame Twitter. After being sent a link to an intriguing product in the depths of Amazon, I got sucked into a world of bizarro goods and their reviews.

Check out ten of the best with a taster of their reviews. And make sure you’ve got nothing planned for the next hour or so.

### [1\. Grim Reaper on Skeleton Horseback Life-Size](http://www.amazon.com/Grim-Reaper-Skeleton-Horseback-Life-Size/dp/B000KQEKIC/ref=pd%5Fsbs%5Findust%5F7?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![Grim Reaper on Skeleton Horseback Life-Size](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm3-static-flickr-com/2477/3980325528_599815ca64.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3980325528/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> I agree with the previous reviewer about this being a great addition to  
> any kid’s room, but did you parents know that this lovely figurine ALSO  
> readily converts into a nightlight?! 2 large Christmas bulbs fit  
> \*perfectly\* inside the reaper’s eye sockets (I recommend red), and the  
> string is easily hidden behind the cloak so you’re not left with any  
> unsightly cords.

> All I can say is, this is NOT an appropriate item for a hospice … lesson learned–the hard way!

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/Grim-Reaper-Skeleton-Horseback-Life-Size/dp/B000KQEKIC/ref=pd%5Fsbs%5Findust%5F7?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

### [2\. Uranium Ore](http://www.amazon.com/Uranium-Ore/dp/B000796XXM/ref=cm%5Fcr%5Fpr%5Fproduct%5Ftop?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![Uranium Ore](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm4-static-flickr-com/3286/3979586873_0f02c5d0b3.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3979586873/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

Ran out of toothpaste, and remembered how you’re supposed to be able to  
use baking soda to clean your teeth, so of course, I accidentally used  
this instead, and Wow! all I can say is, my teeth have never been  
cleaner! They sparkle, they tingle, and for some reason, they STAY  
clean now, no matter what. Highly recommended!

Truth be told, I ran out of buttocks ointment. I was really chafed and  
irritated after a long day of wearing my new dungarees. The high  
humidity did not help. In my predicament I was willing to try anything  
for relief. I swabbed a two finger amount of this Uranium Ore on the  
effected area, and was pleasantly surprised of its instant relief  
qualities. It glowed a little through my pants, but other than that, no  
noticeable problems.

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/Uranium-Ore/dp/B000796XXM/ref=cm%5Fcr%5Fpr%5Fproduct%5Ftop?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

### [3\. Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon](http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128/dp/B00032G1S0/ref=pd%5Fsbs%5Findust%5F1?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![Tuscan Whole Milk](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm3-static-flickr-com/2472/3980369812_9c1dc3967a.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3980369812/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> Not only does this thick Tuscan Whole Milk, 128 fl. oz, do a body good,  
> but also makes the most convincing milk “moustache” in the business,  
> with actual hair in it.

> After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door,  
> his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole  
> Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he  
> would grip my waist – I was always cooking dinner – and press the cold  
> frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would  
> jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He  
> was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on  
> Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/Tuscan-Whole-Milk-Gallon-128/dp/B00032G1S0/ref=pd%5Fsbs%5Findust%5F1?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

### [4\. Wedding Chapel – 10 x 18 With Wood Roof](http://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Chapel-10-Wood-Roof/product-reviews/B000HUQ1C4/ref=cm%5Fcr%5Fdp%5Fsynop?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending&ref=toodlepip.co.uk#R33TJKVI2O73KZ)

[![Wedding Chapel - 10 x 18 With Wood Roof](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm3-static-flickr-com/2517/3980591980_e57a203056.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3980591980/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> Although I chose not to go for any of the extras – a mirror ball in the  
> vestry and a tiger skin-print font are too ‘modern’ for my conservative  
> tastes – I was still surprised that this item came with a complete  
> Hillbilly family inside.

> Well, I for one, am dissapointed..my chapel arrived, but it was just a  
> bunch of wooden planks…abut 178 of them to be exact…I asked the UPS  
> guy to help me assemble it and he just stared at me. (I think he was a  
> bit pissed off having to haul so many peices of wood up to my door  
> step) Well, alas, now me and my fiance have to wait another 2 months  
> until I can put this damn thing together. She is getting pretty  
> impatient. If worse comes to worse I’ll just forgo the roof and we’ll  
> have an outdoor wedding.

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/Wedding-Chapel-10-Wood-Roof/product-reviews/B000HUQ1C4/ref=cm%5Fcr%5Fdp%5Fsynop?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending&ref=toodlepip.co.uk#R33TJKVI2O73KZ)

### [5\. Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz](http://www.amazon.com/Wolf-Urine-Lure-32-oz/dp/B0006IGZSM/ref=pd%5Fsbs%5Findust%5F13?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm4-static-flickr-com/3449/3979870503_8362c9b67f.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3979870503/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an  
> elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It  
> has an incredibly effervescent bead — the whole glass teams with  
> bubbles — culminating in a frothy layer at the head.

> Today is Valentine’s Day and I hoped that a little splash of this would  
> drive my lady wild. But alas… I sleep alone again. Also I keep  
> hearing all this howling outside my bedroom.

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/Wolf-Urine-Lure-32-oz/dp/B0006IGZSM/ref=pd%5Fsbs%5Findust%5F13?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

### [6\. Deer Rear](http://www.amazon.com/BRAND-NOT-SPECIFIED-Deer-Rear/dp/B0006M4WR4/ref=tag%5Fstp%5Fst%5Fedpp%5Furl?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![Deer Rear](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm3-static-flickr-com/2478/3979893785_26d807a606.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3979893785/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> This is one hot and steamy Deer ass. Dont be fooled by imitations. This  
> is the authentic ass of a deer. If you have ever found yourself out  
> hunting alone. You know that sometimes, when looking down the scope of  
> your winchester rifle, the ass of a deer looks mighty fine.

> On a hunch, I bought one of these for my weird old Uncle Crotty, who  
> lives in my mom and pop’s attic. He’d been having problems and was  
> trying to bite through his chains, but Pop says that since he’s  
> received the Deer Rear, he’s happy again. Crotty has even stopped  
> leaving funny stains on the carpet and begun writing Muzak for the Otis  
> Elevator Company. Who could ask for more?

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/BRAND-NOT-SPECIFIED-Deer-Rear/dp/B0006M4WR4/ref=tag%5Fstp%5Fst%5Fedpp%5Furl?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

### [7\. Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass](http://www.amazon.com/Laparoscopic-Gastric-Bypass-DYNJS0303-Each/dp/B000WCW4FK/ref=tag%5Fstp%5Fst%5Fedpp%5Furl?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm3-static-flickr-com/2439/3980672282_5c485c0b6d.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3980672282/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> This is an awesome product. I have performed my first two bypasses  
> using this kit (on myself of course), and I have lost over 200 pounds.  
> There was some initial bleeding that occured, and I needed to be rushed  
> to the emergency room due to “severe internal hemorrhaging” but the  
> three week stay was well worth the cost I saved by doing my own bypass.

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/Laparoscopic-Gastric-Bypass-DYNJS0303-Each/dp/B000WCW4FK/ref=tag%5Fstp%5Fst%5Fedpp%5Furl?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

### [8\. How to Avoid Huge Ships (Paperback)](http://www.amazon.com/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/dp/0870334336/ref=tag%5Fstp%5Fst%5Fedpp%5Furl?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![How to Avoid Huge Ships (Paperback)](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm3-static-flickr-com/2556/3979930193_344ef43ffb.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3979930193/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> This book lacks criteria for discerning between huge ships and merely  
> really big ships. Some well-designed lists, charts or colorful pop-up  
> sections would have been nice for readers who were unsure what size of  
> ship they were avoiding.

> This is a must-read for anyone who encounter huge ships daily and do  
> not want to get run over by them. I found this book extremely helpful.  
> To this day, I have never been run over by a single huge ship!!

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/dp/0870334336/ref=tag%5Fstp%5Fst%5Fedpp%5Furl?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

### [9\. WHAT ARE THESE STRAWBERRIES DOING ON MY NIPPLES?](http://www.amazon.com/WHAT-THESE-STRAWBERRIES-DOING-NIPPLES/dp/075151005X/ref=tag%5Fstp%5Fst%5Fedpp%5Furl?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![WHAT ARE THESE STRAWBERRIES DOING ON MY NIPPLES](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm3-static-flickr-com/2522/3979963315_705c4edea8.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3979963315/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> I had been trying to figure out how the strawberries got there after my  
> frequent blackouts, and this book answered that question for me AND  
> told me where to hide the bodies. Thanks Vanessa!

> I had hoped this would have advise for handling situations where one  
> finds strawberries on various parts of their anatomy. I’ve had  
> strawberries on my buttocks for some time now and don’t know what to  
> do. Unfortunately this book focuses solely on the nipples. Hopefully  
> the author will pen a followup.

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/WHAT-THESE-STRAWBERRIES-DOING-NIPPLES/dp/075151005X/ref=tag%5Fstp%5Fst%5Fedpp%5Furl?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

### [10\. Playmobil Security Check Point](http://www.amazon.com/Playmobil-3172-Security-Check-Point/dp/B0002CYTL2/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1252679115&sr=8-1&ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

[![Playmobil Security Check Point](https://toodlepip.co.uk/content/images/farm3-static-flickr-com/2498/3980735078_42a006177a.jpg)](http://www.flickr.com/photos/toodlepip/3980735078/?ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

> I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the  
> functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the  
> passenger’s shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly  
> fingernail file underneath the passenger’s scarf, and neither the  
> detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said  
> “that’s the worst security ever!”.

> This toy would be a lot more realistic with about 350 people standing  
> in line for an average of an hour. It still makes a nice set with the  
> interrogation room.

[Read all the reviews on Amazon…](http://www.amazon.com/Playmobil-3172-Security-Check-Point/dp/B0002CYTL2/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?ie=UTF8&s=toys-and-games&qid=1252679115&sr=8-1&ref=toodlepip.co.uk)

That’s yer lot. Now put down the credit card and step away from the keyboard.